A long time ago, I decided that I’d never write this book. Writing it would mean spending lots of time thinking about my dad and wrestling with the memory of a certain father figure, and I did not want to do either one of those things.
But in a way, I didn’t have a choice in the matter—not if I was going take seriously memories that kept haunting me and insecurities that had a hold on me.
The Father You Get: And the Ones You Make, Believe In, and Become is a memoir about a dad-sized hole, the gap between the father I wanted and the father I got—an absent-while-present alcoholic whose unreliability caused chaos for everyone around him.
My struggle with my dad led to a lot of fathers of my own making, from an imaginary “Papa Friend” to male mentors I turned into father figures (whether they liked it or not). Then there’s the father I was encouraged to believe in, a Heavenly Father made present mostly by the steadfast and stubborn faith of my mom. Finally, there is the father I became when I had children of my own—and the uncertainty I had about embracing that role for myself.
I like to say this book is for anyone who had a dad. Pretty sure that includes you.
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Praise for The Father You Get
“With the eloquence of a poet and the unflinching honesty of a man who has wrestled with his own story, Dodd delivers a poignant memoir about fatherhood, grace, and the long shadow of a painful past. This book is a gift to anyone who has ever wondered if they are doomed to repeat the past or if transformation and redemption are truly possible. Read this book. Let it change you.”
—Ian Morgan Cron, coauthor of The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery
“This extraordinary book is a rare blend of raw honesty, unexpected
humor, and unfl inching self-reflection. It will stay with you long after
you turn the last page.”
—Nancy French, author of Ghosted: An American Story
“The Father You Get is a book for the haunted and the hopeful—for those shaped by absence and longing for presence. In this masterclass in how to write honestly, Dodd shows how excavating a father’s hidden truths is an act of redemption (for past, present, and future). The weight of the topic is naturally heavy, but often relieved by humor and top-shelf, compact writing. For anyone who has ever looked back to move forward, this is a book for you.”
—Charlie Peacock, Grammy Award–winning music producer and author of Roots and Rhythm: A Life in Music
PATTON DODD 