What is it about fathers and father figures that looms so large in the lives of so many? So wonders Patton Dodd in The Father You Get: And the Ones You Make, Believe In, and Become, an intimate reflection and memoir in which he wrestles with a dad-sized hole, the gap between the father he yearned to have and the father he got—an absent-while-present alcoholic whose unreliability caused chaos for everyone around him.
This struggle with the father he was given led to a variety of substituted: fathers he created, from an imaginary “Papa Friend” to male mentors he turned into father figures. Then there’s the father he believed in, a Heavenly Father, made present by the steadfast and stubborn faith of his earthly mother. And finally, there is the father Dodd became when he had his own children, an experience that led him to track down the source and mystery of the father he got.
Throughout, Dodd’s story resonates for anyone who struggles with the fathers they got, the fathers they wish they had—and anyone struggling to become the parent they hope to be.
A lyrical, emotional meditation on the failures and glories of dadhood, The Father You Get is an extended wrestling match with the mysteries of a distant parental figure and an attempt to bridge the gap between the fathers we get and the fathers our hearts yearn for.
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Praise for The Father You Get
“With the eloquence of a poet and the unflinching honesty of a man who has wrestled with his own story, Dodd delivers a poignant memoir about fatherhood, grace, and the long shadow of a painful past. This book is a gift to anyone who has ever wondered if they are doomed to repeat the past or if transformation and redemption are truly possible. Read this book. Let it change you.”
—Ian Morgan Cron, coauthor of The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery
“I love my dad with my whole heart, but we have a deeply complicated relationship. Which is to say, we’re like most fathers and sons. Patton Dodd’s story is not my story exactly, but reading it felt strangely familiar in parts and helped me better understand my own. The Father You Get is a brave book and a riveting exploration of the nature of relationship between parent and child—both the ones that actually exist and the ones we often fantasize about. I could not stop turning the pages of this honest, insightful memoir. Everyone who has a father should read it—and yes, that means all of us.”
—Jonathan Merritt, author of Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words Are Vanishing—And How We Can Revive Them
“The Father You Get is a book for the haunted and the hopeful—for those shaped by absence and longing for presence. In this masterclass in how to write honestly, Dodd shows how excavating a father’s hidden truths is an act of redemption (for past, present, and future). The weight of the topic is naturally heavy, but often relieved by humor and top-shelf, compact writing. For anyone who has ever looked back to move forward, this is a book for you.”
—Charlie Peacock, Grammy Award–winning music producer and author of Roots and Rhythm: A Life in Music
PATTON DODD 